what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
