why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
