I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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