Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
