Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
