he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
