Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
