So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
