Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i now understand why vodka
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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