Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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