Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
