I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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