You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
