guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
