If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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