Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize