she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
