So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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