Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
