I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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