Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
