Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
