What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
