I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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