dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
