you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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