I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
