Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
