sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I smell like Dick and happiness
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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