So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
