Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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