His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize