I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
