I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
