To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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