I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I looked at my own cervix.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize