Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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