Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
