As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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