My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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