I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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