Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
