why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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