Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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