I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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