you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
