He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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