ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
