so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
