how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
