I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize