I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
