I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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