put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
