I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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