So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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