I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't deserve a penis
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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