OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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