my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
