Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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