I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
