I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
