went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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