apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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