one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
