escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
bring money and cleavage
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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