when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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