Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
