As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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